Here’s my two balls cents
by B-man3
Summary: Dr Evil has an airship above his headquarters that looks like someone's...


Here's my two balls cents  
  
One day Dr Evil was thinking up diabolical schemes to take over the world. He was jotting things down on a note pad or at least that was the plan. So far he'd only got  
  
That same old Laser plan  
  
and he was really stuck for ideas. Just then the phone rang and for a split second a brilliant plan to take over the world also involving phones came into his head but the phone that was ringing in the first place, pushed it out again.  
  
"Damn" He cursed and then answered the phone "Yello?"  
  
"Dr Evil, this is the last straw!" complained the man on the other end, Ted Rocker. "Everyone is sick and tired of that...THING floating in the sky above your headquarters!"  
  
"What, you mean my airship?" Dr Evil replied "the one that looks like someone's..."  
  
"BALLS" interrupted the janitor, who'd glanced over at Dr Evil's notebook. "That old Laser plan is absolute balls! It's never going to work!"  
  
"Do you mind?" snapped Dr Evil "I'm on the frickin' phone! You shouldn't even be in the room let along looking at my foolproof plans!"  
  
"Foolproof plans my..."  
  
"ASS you were saying" said Dr Evil returning to the phone.  
  
"Well, frankly I find your airship embarrassing and nauseating" Ted grumbled. "and I'm willing to peruse government action against you! There must be some law against flying one of THOSE in the airspace above the town!"  
  
"Now you're just being mean" Dr Evil said "You have paintings in all your houncy flouncy art galleries of ladies with there tee-eye-tees hanging out! Who are you to protest if my airship looks like someone's..."  
  
"LOVESPUDS!" cried Frau, popping her head into the room "It's Valentines day and the canteen are serving special romantic potatoes called Lovespuds! Do you want any?"  
  
"Can't a guy get any frickin' space around here?" Dr Evil groaned in annoyance "I'm trying to take a phone call! How would you like it if I interrupted a conversation you were having on your phone? Your favourite phone with the psychedelic cover and the Soul Bossanova ringtone?"  
  
"I wouldn't care"  
  
"Just leave me alone"  
  
"You don't want any Lovespuds?"  
  
"No, I don't want any Lovespuds! I'd rather shove a six-foot mincing utensil down my gullet! Understand?"  
  
"Yes Dr Evil" Frau whimpered and left the room.  
  
Dr Evil returned to the phone for a second time. "I'm not taking my airship down Mr Rocker. It's those little quirks in my vehicles that make life interesting. Remember my personal helicopter?"  
  
"How could I forget?!" Ted groaned "That engineering monstrosity shaped in a way that made the tail look like someone's..."  
  
"SAUSAGE?" Came a voice from the door. It was Frau again "Do you want a sausage with your dinner?"  
  
Dr Evil threw down the phone. "Why do you never do anything I tell you to? Don't you think there's a shining good reason why I'm the head of this evil organisation? Go away, I'm busy!"  
  
"It's just that sausages are the alternative to Lovespuds"  
  
"Do I look as if I care?" Dr Evil asked "Just look at me, look at me, do I look like I care?"  
  
He glazed his eyes over as best he could.  
  
"I'll come back later" Frau replied.  
  
"DO NOT COME BACK LATER until I've finished taking this phone call," Dr Evil snapped. "If you dare come back I'll make you eat Camphor wood and set termites on a journey up your anal region!"  
  
He picked the phone up off the floor "Please finish this conversation Mr Rocker! What are you going to do? Sue me? If you're going to sue me, get it over with. I'll negotiate the finance with number two, we can take a fine!"  
  
"Fine!" Ted replied, "We'll sue you! We'll sue you for your testicular airship, your obscene helicopter, your condom windsock and especially the flagpole resembling a man's..."  
  
"COCKtail?" Frau asked, back yet again  
  
"LOOK I'M SICK OF YOU ASKING WHAT I WANT FOR MY FRICKIN' DINNER! MY CONCERNS ARE SLIGHTLY MORE MEANINGFUL THAN WHAT I WANT TO WHAT SLOP DOWN MY THROAT NEXT TO ROWS UPON ROWS OF GORMLESS IDIOTS IN THE COMPANY CANTEEN! I'M TRYING TO TAKE A PHONE CALL! THIS MAN IS SUEING ME!"  
  
He pulled the phone behind his head like he was throwing a javelin and then launched it into the wall, where it smashed into a million pieces.  
  
"I hate everyone" He groaned. 


End file.
